Hey, 520 Broadway. Hi. Hello. Sooo, this is kinda awkward.
Before you say anything we want you to know, it’s not you, it’s us*. Like a sprouting 10th grade boy, we’re experiencing a lot of changes right now. What’s that? It happened for you in 7th grade? Bastard. Anyway, we’re growing up. And like Neil DeGrasse Tyson, we just need more space. So, with voices cracking, we bid farewell to SoHo and head for the grayer pastures of the FiDi.
Is it “the FiDi” or just “FiDi”? Does anybody even care? No? Okaaay, moving on.
We’re not gonna lie, you had your faults, 520 Broadway. There were your creaking wooden haunted house floors. Your edit bay with the shag rug that smelled of wet dog. Your Internet connection that went in and out more than Wilt Chamberlain.
There was your water pipeline that got cut and flooded the basement, forcing us to go to Café Duke when it was time to “make coffee”. Oh, really, that offends you? You of the mildew stench that wafted stealth-like up the elevator from the basement to assault our senses like a relentless stank-ninja? Well, okay then.
And then, most recently, there was your incessant drilling/hammering/sawing/drilling/sawing/drilling/hammering/hammering/sawing/hammering/drilling, courtesy of Michael Kors and his beautiful neon-white teeth and super comfortable, super expensive t-shirts.
Oh, and we almost forgot your— What? What’s wrong? What do you mean you’ve had enough? We were just pointing out a few memories, that’s all. In all this time together, we never realized how sensitive you were, 520 Broadway. Well, let’s focus on something more positive, then, yeah? Like the fact that you let us bring dogs into work!
[Long awkward pause; Earth, Wind & Fire muzak plays softly in background]
Don’t worry, we won’t forget you. Under your watchful gaze we’ve learned a lot, we’ve laughed a lot, we’ve bitched a lot, we’ve gone on paleo diets a lot, we’ve gone off paleo diets a lot, and we’ve grown up a lot. We know it’s hard, but this is something we need to do. For ourselves. You can always write to us at 80 Broad St., and if we spot you from our awesome new rooftop deck we’ll be sure to wave.
Peace out, 520 Broadway! Peace out, SoHo! Peace in, FiDi!
*Okay, it’s kinda you.